


Everything's Alright

by quietdetective



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Depression, Emotional Repression, Fat Shaming, M/M, fake it till you make it right, self hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-07-12 19:12:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7118989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quietdetective/pseuds/quietdetective
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are truths and there are lies.<br/>A lie may turn into the truth or the truth could be a lie.<br/>Faking one is the other is not recommended</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything's Alright

You smile because that's all you know. Smile and laugh and pretend everything is okay. You were fine. 

You never mentioned your horrible night terrors before, filled with laughing harlequins and colourful fluid you somehow knew was blood. Once you told Dave but he just laughed and said it must have been juice or something and you were freaking out over nothing. You remember your father washing your walls one day when you came home early because you were sick, wondering why he bothered as your walls were spotless where posters were. You were happy when he bought you new ones to replace the old though, as they were tattered and had weird grooves. 

You smile and laugh and pretend you dont see your friends dead bodies around you. It wasn't like it was the worst thing you ever saw in your life. You rationalize repressing it by saying Dave had to deal with so much more and he never broke. He never ended up crying in his room while knowing in the morning the walls will be covered in insults and phrases he tried to forget. Dave was so much stronger than him. 

You smile and laugh when they ask you how you are. They dont mention the clear bags under your eyes from staying up so late and waking so early, not able to sleep for more than an hour at a time without waking up with markers in your hands and tears on your cheeks. You say youre completely fine and they leave. You feel almost disappointed that you dont matter enough to be pushed, but decide thats a dick thing to think and force the disappointment away. Its your job to get help even if tou dont deserve it. 

You smile and laugh and decide not to. Youre so fine its amazing, even if Karkat looks at you worriedly and Dave has developed a habit of coming to check on you in the middle of the night. No father means no one there to wash your walls so you try doing it yourself, before you stopped since whats the point. Theyll be there again tomorrow and the words are true. You're a loser and a failure and dumb and you should be reminded that. Before you got youre breath powers you were stuck constantly. You were heavy and tall and you decide its best to be reminded of your chort comings and failures. Dave asked about them one night and you laughed and smiled and said that it must have been left from before the game. He looked skeptic and tried to get you to watch movies with him and Karkat. You dont need to see them being really lovey and kissing during the movie when they think youre distracted, too used to being at the ready constantly in case Jade started chasing Jasper or imps terrorizing you again. Dave looked at you funny before leaving. You think they were gonna watch Con Air and seem to think you still like the pile of crap. Hopefully they drop it and leave you alone once more. 

You arent smiling and you arent laughing. Quite the opposite really. Sometimes you end up crying and sobbing in your room and you hate it. You want someone there to hold you close and to kiss you and say they love you, but you know it wont happen. Youre ugly and fat and disgusting. Youre friends deserve a lot better and you should have tried to keep their John alive. You should have tried to keep your session healthy so you could win and no one would die. Youre a failure.


End file.
